New Year Anxiety

Confession:  I have spent the last few months of 2013 wishing the year away.  My logic had been that 2013 was a shit year (in respect of mystery illness, stress, business downturn in the industry I am employed, bouts of insomnia, etc.), during which I felt I had achieved very little.  I was looking forward to a break from work over Christmas, and then a new year with a fresh outlook.  

Now that the new year has arrived, I find myself with no immediate feeling of relief, revitalisation or anticipation for what the new year will bring…  I am exhausted, emotional and incredibly anxious.

Following many (many) tears over the past few days, I decided to change tack and reflect upon my highlights of 2013.  Now, I feel the need to preface this list by saying that 2013 was a year of small mercies, not of major accomplishment or change.  So, in no particular order:

• I learned to run 5 kilometres – this is pretty amazing for me – in all of the iterations of myself that have existed, I had never considered myself to be a runner and I have found that I really love it;
• I sewed 12 garments that I actually wear (there have been others that have not made it into my wardrobe rotation, but the vast majority I am really proud of);
• I am back doing 20 kg squats in BodyPump at the gym, I tore some cartilage in my knee in November of 2012 and carried this injury through most of 2013, but I am pleased to be pushing myself in the gym again;
• Some amazing celebrations during the year – my 29^th birthday, Christmas-in-July-but-in-August, the annual Family Christmas Party and spending Christmas with my Ma in Brisbane;
• Embracing (unapologetically) my love of making, and indulging in this.  Often.

Continuing the theme of small mercies, here is a list of things I am looking forward to during 2014:

• Turning 30;
• Celebrating my mum’s next BIG ZERO birthday (out of respect I will not disclose which multiple of ten she is turning) we are planning a joint-birthday adventure (toying with such destinations as NYC, Paris and Canada);
• Continuing to sew pretty frocks for myself – I would like to participate in Frocktober this year, so I need to build up my collection;
• Crafteroon delights – spending quiet moments making with my dear friend, we are toying with the idea of blogging about it.  Watch this space;
• Finishing the cross-stitch kit I got for Christmas (I am not a cross-stitcher, and it is enormous, so it might take me until this time next year to finish!);
• A million other shining moments of happiness and fun that happen often when spending time with my friends.

When I pondering happier times of this year, I was reminded of a conversation that I had with a friend several months ago, when I told him that my life was “full of friendship, love and happiness in a way that it had never been before”.  And so it remains.  I really am so lucky… 

To my amazing friends (who came to me via the sweetest kind of serendipity) and to my darling mother, I love you.  I am so grateful for each and every one of you.